Life as an intern or should we call it the intern-al life
The whole world, or so it seems, is obsessed about Jose Mourinho being sacked...but the way I see it...if you get on your boss's nerves you are playing with fire and there is always the chance of getting burnt...Mourinho had an excellent record..but they don't say for nothing that there is always the higher power. Ofcourse, I'm not talking about sucking up..because..in my eyes the easiest way to annoy is to suck up...but a bit of healthy PR can't be too damaging? yeah? what sayest thou??

Anyways..getting to this life update...to prevent people from thinking that: a. I'm dead, b. I've gone undercover or c. I've been abducted.... Lets pick the inexistant option d. I'm interning...that part of life where you experiment with being the Little Nemo...or even little-r than that fish...(excuse the grammar) in the sea. Ofcourse...the underwater is beautiful...because you get to see all those amazing underwater creatures, but it's also scary at the depths...and with no mama fish to stand by you..you are on your own and even if you don't know swimming...you have to learn...or as I understand..you will learn how to swim..eventually...

Doing away with the ambiguous analogy...lets just say being a journalist-in-training in a big establishment is a good learning experience with its own flavour. There are those small things that make you happy, the small feelings that upset you...the small things that lift you and the small doubts that dishearten you...it's a mish mash of emotions especially when you're just starting off and fresher than any freshmint! Although I've gotten my first byline...there is scope for tremendous improvement...A LOT...I feel so raw about my sense of newsworthiness, my ability to persuade, my writing and note-taking skills. But I guess everyone learns with time...and hopefully I'll do that...for now though gotta keep patience and pick up...slowly...

As I have on my desk at work...the Gerry Spence thought:
"I rather have a mind opened by wonder rather than one closed by belief"

About being happy...

To those who still drop by to read my LONG posts on this boring blog with an almost negligible amount of pictures...thanks...=)
If you've chanced upon it...through some links or whatever, well...I hope this post keeps you engaged...

I'm a worrier..at times I suffer from what can be called a SUPER PANIC mode...but I realise that everybody has their moments...We go through life with a lot of baggage, both conscious and unconscious - academic pressure, peer pressure, career pressure, relationship pressure...it's an almost always there situation....Sometimes it feels really bad thinking about people who don't give you what you desire, unrequited relationships, lack of reciprocation, bad grades, a stagnant career, a failing career or even a failing relationship...thinking about your own flaws...which I assure you every single individual has...just that it's a bit different for everybody.

I for one can tell you that I often have weight issues....don't go thinking that I'm a super-fat/anorexic, suicidal person..but by medical and Singapore standards..I'm a bit bigger than the people here...so a shopping trip is often-times replete with "heck-I-can't-get-into-it" loserish moments...and utter frustration when you realise how hard it is to get rid of baby fat that refuses to go easy...and a mom who often times nags you for it...(ughh I hate nagging eventhough I realise it's not always bad)...But I'm healthy and overall I'm a happy person...just coz I'm a bit big...and I can't fit into certain dresses and also that I'm not fashion conscious enough to dress uber well and put on a nice lil' smattering of make-up doesn't make me less equal than some others...

I can do all that...if I really want...and it'll be for my good...but I realise that sometimes we load ourselves too much with what is superficial and materialistic. Sometimes we put too much into that new, smart outfit, flashy shoes, amazing accessories and great make-up...sometimes we give too much importance to the others...who judge us every moment...and not always in a necessarily positive manner and sometimes all we end up with is an utter frustration with ourselves and a broken heart...

So I realise that how much ever I imagine myself as someone not-so-flabby, perhaps with a dashier wardrobe and some appealing make-up..maybe with some charming arm candy..it can never make me happier than if I feel happy as it is...from within of me...and all the rest become subordinate reasons to my happiness and that is something that makes me feel like an infinitely happy person...with limitless possibilities in life...and trust me, it'll make you feel the same way if you just try investing more in self growth rather than adding to that wardrobe which frankly..never seems enough or that physical appearance..which never seems flawless....and I assure you...trying to remain happy from within..is something that maybe a bit hard..sometimes..but it's absolutely F.O.C, not damaging your wallet one bit and it makes you feel 1000 times better!

For the love of reading
I love reading..it gives me the sense of being a well-read intellectual and thats just great! But..if truth be told...I love reading because it is satisfying to my soul..I feel enriched and at peace with myself when I'm reading..but for that you need to open your heart and mind and digest the lovely literary quality in books..reading..as is true for any art form..becomes nothing but a mundane chore if it's done for some ulterior motive..instead of simply for its own sake.
I've written about this before...but now..I won't go on about the many benefits of reading. Instead I'll do what I usually look forward to all the time...recommendations on good books! Here is my personal list. But feel free to give me yours..=)
Books for the Soul
These aren't self-help books. They are heartwarming and I can never have enough when it comes to reading them.
1. SMALL MIRACLES by Yitta Halberstam & Judith Leventhal
2. CHICKEN SOUP SERIES (For me, chicken soup has been my Enid Blyton, considering that for all my love of it, I actually began reading quite late)
3. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
4. Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh
5. Joy Peace Pills by JP Vaswani
The Best Dramas & Absolute must-read classics - before & after
1. Pride and Prejudice (the unedited version) by Jane Austen - Mrs Bennet is a fantastic comic
2. Wuthering Hieghts by Charlotte Bronte
3. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
4. Mill on the Floss by George Eliot
5. Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
6. Hard Times by Charles Dickens
7. Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
8. Sons and Lovers by DH Lawrence
9. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
10. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
11. Brick Lane by Monica Ali
*Actually this list quite endless so I'll just terminate it here
Chick-lit entertainment
Just go and sieve through the shelves...there are plenty of such novels to entertain a loaded mind and scheduled life...something by Sophie Kinsella or Shobhaa De perhaps?
Collected Stories
1. Collected stories of Paul Theroux
2. Collected stories of Oscar Wilde
3. Collected stories of R.K. Narayan
4. Collected stories of Rudyard Kipling
5. Collected stories of Anton Chekhov
Popular Fiction
HARRY POTTER...does it even need a recommendation?? It's like recommending Cindrella and Little Red Riding Hood to the kids..wonder why I'm still recommending it..perhaps to those who live under a stone and happen to just bump into my internet space...
Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
Biographies
Personally, I found the biographies of Roald Dahl (books like Going Solo) Mahatma Gandhi, Winston Churchill and Adolf Hitler the most fascinating...the auto-biographies...are the best ofcourse ;)
Lastly...because there are so many books and so little space...or want to keep penning them..I'll end here..with my..
..Favourite Authors
1. Roald Dahl - I dunno what I find more enticing about him, his writing, the illustrations in his books courtesy of Quentin Blake or merely the fact that I have a sort of crush on the man himself...
2. J.K. Rowling - Cliche...but I adore her style
3. Jane Austen - If someone etches characters in a most memorable fashion, it's Jane Austen, ofcourse Charlotte Bronte and George Eliot have their own goods to deliver as well..in this genre 4. R.K. Narayan - Call it the brotherhood...but I quite like Narayan. Talking of Indian Authors...Salman Rushdie, Arundhati Roy and Chetan Bhagat have their own..and not forgetting Kiran Desai..but I haven't really read her booker prize winning 'The Inheritance of Loss'.
5. O'Henry
*Actually lets stop this entry for now...I'll leave it to you...the few genuine readers of my internet space to go over and possibly leave some suggestions for me!
thanks...and keep reading..because books are companions for life!

On what's sexy to me!

Now...I know some of the people acquainted with me would be a tad surprised at such as title..but I couldn't think of anything better...and so..surprise is the way to go...
It all started when I *yet again* made an unwarranted comment...we were all lounging at a friend's place in Bukit Timah and as always her boyfriend was in attendance. Now, I don't have anything against the guy, but I just find him a bit...no quite..annoying..and I guarantee you - it's not my fault..atleast not for this one...

The guy is perpetually blowing his trumpet..and worst of all...a trumpet that is empty (he is basically short on IQ) He is absolutely STUCK to my friend, and there is virtually no gathering we've had since they started going out, that he has been MIA. While I understand the whole, male ego, caring boyfriend stuff, this is plain BS. So, I couldn't help myself when I purposely let out that I HATE hen-pecked people...in any relationship...and next come the one's who flaunt a virtually non-existant brain. I know...thats really mean..but I guess...it's a truth...and no one can really deny it...Your partner may be absolutely sexy in every way, but the dearth of a sincere personality and a certain intellect is SO NOT!

This friend underdstands me and so it wasn't really a big deal when I told her guy down..she admits that he's a bit dim..but well, he not a bad sort..so..he's passable..But she thinks that my choice in sexy people is totally insane...For one..I find Discovery anchors Megan McCormick and Toby Amies quite the thing...I also find THE ARENA judge Ashraf Safdar quite appealing...but my friend thinks that they are all yawn inducing...for her George Clooney is the ultimate idol..hahaha..Well...I guess we all have our choices..and what's sexy to me needn't be the same for my friend..

But the ultimate thing that makes people tick is being themselves with raw abandon..I guess before other people notice you..you need to notice yourself and get comfy in your own skin..that's really being sexy in the true sense of the word...When it comes to style, fashion and looks..nothing is objective and even a stick in the mud can seem like art to the discerning eye!

MOVING....
No...I'm not changing my space on the internet...just moving in the abstract...You know...when your mindset shifts and you actually FEEL the move...every minute of it.
My life's been such that I've sort of gotten used to people going on..moving on...leaving. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it tears me up, sometimes it's good riddance, sometimes its just another happening...but whatever it is...it is a change.
Upon going to school today and meeting Mrs Sng, I realised how so many of us are going away...from the whole SCHOOL life..from the whole classroom, classmate environment..we're moving..
Then I realised Caleb and Ferina are leaving for oiap...soon..tommorrow..
I caught up with Shaheen and there seemed this chasm...as though we hadn't caught up is eons...and there were so many things to talk about...and I remembered that Shah is going to India soon too...
Then it was the turn of the teachers...more teachers than I knew about are moving on...from fms..either permanently or temporarily.
Soon it'll be my turn to move...transit...I don't wanna expect..coz as my previous post says...desire is the root to all suffering..but I can't help my apprehension..but I guess it'll all settle down...settle down while moving..coz life is after all..but a journey...and an acquaintance..once euphemistically added.."and no one's going to get out of it alive anyways..so why bother ourselves so much about the impending changes??!!"

Nirvana
Buddha said:
"Desire is the root of all suffering"

All through our lives we desire something...there seems no end to our whims, no stopper to our fancies..no horizon to our desires...the realisation never really seeps in and either we feel singed when our aspirations break into a thousand pieces or feel unnaturally happy, when they come true through the unfathomable route called destiny...(yeah well...I can see the "face-your-destiny" jokes) Yet...the journey seems to continue and the aim just gets higher....and each time we fail it's more painful than the last....like this woman who lost her 3rd child in a row, like the student who missed honours by a point, like the girl whose heart is always torn by failing relationships, like the rich miser always wanting more money, like the incomplete man who doesn't seem to understand, what will complete him....

It's a divine truth and most bitter...as truth generally is...and it's much harder to practise than preach. So I shall not...because I guess as ordinary human beings we could possibly not even live without having a dream and a bag full of desires for ourselves. But 20 years have taught me that whenever I desire something, it usually doesn't come true or if it does it does not take the shape I would normally want it to take...not that I'm not happy..but if I go by the desire scale...I am perhaps not as happy as I could be...

But in the process of seeking what I really want out of my life..I realised one thing...the best way to overcome desire is to look at what you already have..the blue bird in your own backyard..rather than always looking outside for your source of happiness...always counting on things and people for happiness. Because such happiness is ephemeral..even if it comes to you..People are fickle..usually...even if they aren't..there are many who just die out (not literally ofcourse) but who flicker out like a fire fly..there is no sustainance there..and probably thats how it was meant to be..because if something or someone was REALLY TRULY worth pursuing..your heart would make you pursue...but no..usually such instances are rare..and those that aren't rare...well..lets just make the exit shall we??

Life is precious...but precious as it is..even a diamond can cut where it hurts the most..dreaming makes life lovable..but sometimes dreams hurt...people leave and things go awry...they desert you...bequeathing only tears and a sense of loss (which is pathetic)..I guess the only way out is to love what you have rather than seeking what your could have. Even an economist would tell you to treasure reliable investments.

Thats to my 2 cents worth...it helped me relieve some unsettling thoughts...and even though I can't yet figure what exactly I want from my life..I can say that for the most I know what will make the journey to that discovery a bit more happier..

PS: Fumbs and WN..I told you that I would blog about our dinner-time adventure around Bukit Timah..but I couldn't really blog about that...guess I got too many things to write and what's private to my life, should I guess, remain that way :) Had loads of fun too!