Cowardly connotations
Sometimes...I'm really chicken. Yes! I said it. I break into tears rather easily, can't mask my emotions and hate to get chided...in fact I hate it so much that the very fear of landing into trouble gets me troubled! I hate myself for it at times...I mean, I'm a working girl now, a professional. It's not fitting for me...that too a journalist..to be the way I am. I keep critiquing myself for it. Admittedly, I've gotten somewhat better at it...but still my threshold of taking everything with a pinch of salt, without over-analysing and thinking incessantly,hasn't improved much. I sometimes trust and show too much affection...only to feel bad later. I indulge in venting my spleen and live to regret it later. My judgment of people is not as spot on as many people I've met..although my gut feeling is sometimes unforgivably demanding. Main aisi kyun hoon? Even the panditji...sitting miles away in Delhi can 'sense' my overworked mind! Hahahaha...am I like SO obvious!
Well, the only thing that keeps me going is some inexplicable faith..call it my God worthiness! Also, perhaps I feel that my intentions are never wrong and my heart is in the right place...I've seen people who don't have an iota of the personal weaknesses that I show..but then, I've seen the very same people doing some unforgivable deeds. In the end hopefully, everything balances out...equilibrium is after all a law of nature.