Everything's relative...
What inspired this blog post was a recent sit down with a close acquaintance. I've always maintained that somehow we can let our secrets spill in strangers simply because we may not really be seeing them again. It was another such momentary meeting, where the girl (I shall not reveal her name for privacy purposes) talked about feeling inferior in relation to some people around her.

The said person, lets call her Janice, and I were talking about our families and friends when she touched upon how she feels around her prettier, popular cousins who seemed a lot more accomplished than she felt herself. One of her cousins is at Yale and another at Harvard and they're both quite an item, or so she said. This of course prompted my dormant agony aunt to surface and help reduce the girl's inferiority complex.

But truth is, we do indeed find ourselves feeling a bit low when surrounded by super confident, successful people with a lot going for them and going a tad weak-kneed in the presence of stunning people isn't just a saying..In fact studies have shown that men find their WAGS unattractive when they've just come back from the company of far more gorgeous women. Explains why some women hit the roof when their men want a bit of playboy fun..hahaha.

I think it happens to everyone - sometimes when you're at a restuarant and a really hot group of girls and guys is having a blast at the next table, you suddenly start feeling a bit self-conscious. People who deny such feelings are probably lying to themselves or are just uber confident (good for you!). Here's when a healthy self-esteem, a moderate feeling of contentment and having some people who love you regardless of everything matter the most.

After speaking to Janice, I thought myself lucky to have some of these things that I sometimes take for granted. As for her, I just told her to take it in her stride. There are always bigger and better things than being infatuated with ourselves and our feelings of mediocrity/superiority versus those of others. Period.

Sometimes existence is but a matter of thought
As I attend to the few random things - occasional writing, music, art and daily workouts - and to the people who have not forgotten to call/make a date, the thought of existence and deep intellectual yearnings passes my mind.

The following lines from Khalil Gibran's 'The Prophet' sum my feelings at the moment:

"...he climbed the hill without the city walls and looked seaward; and he beheld his ship coming with the mist.

Then the gates of his heart were flung open, and his joy flew far over the sea. And he closed his eyes and prayed in the silences of his soul.

But as he descended the hill, a sadness came upon him, and he thought in his heart:

How shall I go in peace and without sorrow? Nay, not without a wound in the spirit shall I leave this city.

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and aloneness without regret?

Too many fragments of the spirit have I scattered in these streets, and too many are the children of my longing that walk naked among these hills, and I cannot withdraw from them without a burden and an ache.

It is not a garment I cast off this day, but a skin that I tear with my own hands.

Nor is it a thought I leave behind me, but a heart made sweet with hunger and with thirst.

Yet I cannot tarry longer.

The sea that calls all things unto her calls me, and I must embark.

For to stay, though the hours burn in the night, is to freeze and crystallize and be bound in a mould."

K. Gibran (1991), The Prophet, Pan Macmillan, London

Life is a crazy, stupid, unpredictable, imperfect yet lovable ride...
Sometimes I look back at the things that I've done/that have happened to me in my 'over two decades' on this planet and I feel like landing a kick at myself - I've acted crazy and stupid at times and sometimes my situation has been crazy. I've done stuff that is too embarrassing to reveal, more so on an 'anyone-can-access' place like the internet.
But then again, maybe it was fated. Maybe without them I would perhaps not be the person I am..I'm no big-wig, famous, young and pretty face about town. I certainly have my insecurities but I feel that the freedom that I've been given comes with the choice of making mistakes and learning from them.
If we were perfect people living in the perfect world, our lives would be a tad less 'happening', for want of a better word, forgive me. If we knew what may happen to us the very next moment, I think life would be quite the bore. Sometimes destiny can be the very next sms/telephone call that your receive and that itself makes this crazy, stupid, unpredictable and imperfect life, lovable.

'Liberty and the pursuit of happiness'
It's been a day since I got back from the States..it was an OK trip and I didn't get as wild and infatuated with America as many who go there tend to get, in my experience.
This could very well be because - I got sick of pizza's and potato fries; I accidentally deleted around 400 of my amateur shutterbug shots(and cried for 15 minutes after that before proceeding to take whatever other photos I could with my new camera); I got thoroughly tired by the end of the half-month trip and could not wait to get into my own bed.
But it was not all tears and tiredness. In the midst of it all I learnt a few vital things about the country which makes an appearance in all our lives in one way or the other - be the the American brands - the GAP's, Banana Republic's, Clinique's - the American media conglomerates - WB, Disney, Viacom (it owns MTV) - the US Dollar and the fluctuations at Wall Street that affect our economies.
In America, 'liberty' is the keyword - it's stamped upon their coins and on every significant landmark in their country and subsequently it marks their personalities. America is a free country - where the sky is the limit for being and possibilities are endless if you believe..and the people do believe - after all 'In God We Trust' is their logo.
America is also a very patriotic nation although in all honesty - the American people are a vast and varied mix of immigrants who have managed to somehow put away their differences and create what is a unique and multifaceted 'American' identity that gives an ideal to many wannabes. The flag is truly the national icon and it is posted everywhere, on every corner street, in every part of the country.
This combination of freedom and national pride together comes in a package called the 'American Dream' - the dreams of the free people living in the nation. But freedom becomes pricey when it's prefixed with absolute and I found that to be a major grievance. People need to understand that a man's freedom becomes a problem when it intrudes upon another or hurts the other. Frankness is a good quality but diplomacy is just as important depending on the situation and the man on a street in America (unlike its politicians) tends to lack a certain warmth and subtlety.
But that aside, the people have an invaluable quality that is perhaps the secret to success - the ability to get over the pitfalls and tragedies of life. So be it Pearl Harbour (PH) in December 1941 or the WTC in 2001 - they mourn and use the pain to get stronger. So PH is followed with a bold move to bomb the 'Jap suckers' (dialogue from the movie of the same name) and WTC is followed by Afghanistan and Iraq bombings - all in the name of a War on Terror. But what moved me was building the 'Freedom Tower' as a mark of respect to those who lost their lives because war is never the wise option, I feel.
The war memorial at Washington with 55,000 names of soldiers who died, were lost and who returned from the Vietnam war carved upon a granite alabaster made me realise just how hard the Americans have faught and though loss has been a constant companion, the way they honour their dead is worthy of much respect. The thousands of dead and the occassional card lying at the base with scribblings in a child's hand and a bunch of flowers with the flag (yet again) left a deep impression on me.
But it was not all bloodshed, the beautiful, cloudy skies, the academic town of Boston with it's ipod bearing, backpack slinging populace, the old-world charms of Rhode Island, the thrills at Niagara and the sheer fun at Walt Disney and Universal Studios - the diversity of the country and its offerings are surreal and I'm glad I took the long haul, body-clock disturbing flight.
It was one of my must-visit places that I planned on travelling to before I died...and I did. If I can I would perhaps go back to NYC another time or maybe do my post grad at Boston. What can I say "In God I Trust"!