Today...
Today...I write the 70th post on this blog...today...I feel all muddled..because I begin to realise that in a day's time..my residence will be all mine...I'll be the boss...and I'll be all by myself for an entire week...I've never had that...I've always had someone to do my bidding...if not my family then my friends...ofcourse...I'd love to jazz it up by describing wild in-house parties that I plan to throw...but I'm an absolutely boring, pathetic old maid with no boyfriend, no secret admirer, no social scene, no late nights, no fagging, no booze..no nothing...yes nothing...safe and simple..period...perhaps a pal was right when he casually commented during radio practise..always playing it safe ya megha...well yes..I've always been doing that coz risks haven't paid me well enough...

To top that I'm sort of a recluse basically...and even though I've had (sorry if this sounds immodest to you)...more of what most people seem to want...a posh place, more money than I can spend, a secure family life and a secure friendship..for starters...I've less of what I need....No...not the same old love, care, friends..etc..thats something that comes and goes..literally..thats also what I believe everybody basically wants...but you know..its been an age..since I've wanted somebody... to sit down with and talk....not gossip/whine/any of that shit...talk about issues...talk about books (coincidently..today also marks the end of the 5th straight novel I've read in the holidays), about movies, about concerns on a global scale...about art....basically just have a very comforting yet easy & not made-up intellectual conversation with....and honestly..I don't understand why that somebody up there is being so adamant in NOT making me meet such a person...??!!

Ok...I'm being a nag..but I dunno...I feel really wierd today..really...but whatever I am...I'm not a sore loser..I'm self sufficient...with stuff...plenty of hobbies, a rather decent job...stuff that makes me step out of my slumber, pyjamas and ragged hair into a more presentable form...hmm...lets forget about that flab..aiyoo...

basically...I'm completely confused and wallowing in it...I'm wrapping with school in a while from now...and in most likelihood...I'd be packing my bags soon after...my parents are wanting me to make a quick decision - job...or...degree...and going by my 'assumed' final GPA I don't think I'll have an issue with getting a year/2 off that degree...but then there is the job..but I'm turning 21..soon..and a bit fed-up with the whole...education thing...oh-god..what will I not give to reach a comforting solution to this saga..what will I not give to have "somebody" to basically mull over stuff with....in person...

OK...I'm going a bit..you know...better go for my run...see ya all..in a hopefully..more organised frame of mind..